Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
