Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
