i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
