god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
