No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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