Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize