You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
