apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
