A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
