Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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