8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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