Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
