I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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