First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
