Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
