i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he fucked my hip out of place.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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