I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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