You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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