I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
