i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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