currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
