in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize