Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
