I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize