If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
