batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
