I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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