VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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