sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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