So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
