so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
