i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
