They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
