i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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