wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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