dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
