you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
