i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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