More tranny stories later!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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