The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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