You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
