brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
