I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
