butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
