I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
