So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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