I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
