I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
vagina is talking i cant
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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