My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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