But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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