Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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