it was like his penis was on wheels.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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