I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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