the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
