just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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