Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
