you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
