I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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