You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
