I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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