Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
