I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
