Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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