Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Two words: blizzard sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
