Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
