I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
