And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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