why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
