I got her a Nickelback box set.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
