He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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