If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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