Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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