i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
