after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
