I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize