I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
