I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
