be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
