hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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