We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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