i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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