I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
