Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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