Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
