i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
