when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
