Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I have feelings that need drinking.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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