i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
