made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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