he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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