wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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