My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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