I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
