And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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