At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
