the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
