i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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