There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
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