I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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