Tell her she can't have a vagina
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
