These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
