the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
