Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
