Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
